Integrative Couples Therapy ™

This is what happens:

As couples fall in love they create the “good story” of their relationship – for instance – how they met and the details of their growing romance.  Over time, conflicts normally arise, and if those problems are not resolved, they come together to create the “bad story” of the relationship.  Integrative Couples Therapy© can help couples resolve their problems and have those past issues become part of the “good story.” 

Developmentally, couples often get stuck in differing stages.  One partner may be longing for the closeness originally shared in the earliest stages of the relationship while the other partner is out experiencing the world – appearing to have left the relationship emotionally.  Each party can be helped in understanding normal relationship development and how to get back on the same “page” as a couple. 

Integrative Couples Therapy© includes a detailed family history  assessment, personality testing and developmental assessment, in order to offer in-depth understanding and tools for coping with differences.

As a mature and happily married therapist, Vikki has had first-hand experience of the struggles and joys romance can bring.  As an NLP Brief Therapist and the originator of Integrative Couples Therapy© she has a deep knowledge about how happy relationships work.

Vikki is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist at Sequoia Counseling Services, where she holds office hours for individuals, couples and groups.

Integrative Couples Therapy™ can help couples:

• resolve problematic issues which can, over time contribute to the “good story” of the deepening relationship.
• understand their individual and relationship strengths and weaknesses and make changes where necessary.
• get back on track with the continuing development of their relationship.
• understand, utilize and cope more effectively with personality differences.
• develop mutually shared goals for the future.

SINGLE WOMEN'S RELATIONSHIP THERAPY GROUP: late 20's – late 30's

Educational/Therapy/Process Group

This group is for single female adults who want to change the way they experience themselves and others in relationships, especially romantic. Group members will explore their personal issues in the process of learning new and more successful ways of interacting with others and forming lasting ties.

In this interactive group you can:

• Assess your personal (family of origin) issues and their effects on your relationships

• Identify your patterns and learn more fulfilling ways to connect and sustain relationships.

• Work through your own emotional reactions to the behaviors of others

• Work on improving your communication skills

•Discover how beliefs and traumas can impact emotional bonds

• Use the group as a safe place to practice new skills

Ongoing Group

(Three months minimum commitment)

(1/2-hour no-fee interview required)

Thursdays, 7:30 – 9:00 pm

$35 per session

office located at:

Sequoia Counseling Services

165 Arch Street, Redwood City

For information call: Vikki Hoobyar

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Office (650) 363-0383

Voice Mail (650) 363-0249, ext 115

Email Vikki at vikki@vikkihoobyar.com

Romantic Relationships:

Looking for love in all the wrong places… (looking for love in too many faces)?

Do you know people who experience their romances like “déjà vu”?  You know.. over and over again?  You may see them regularly or periodically.  When one relationship breaks up and they get into another one.  Eventually, the similarities between this current relationship and the last one become glaringly similar.  It seems your friend (or you) is in the same relationship, but with a different person (each time around).

The truth is that often women recreate past relationships by projecting dysfunctional information onto the new love interest.  Without dealing with dysfunctional ways of thinking and acting some women experience one unsatisfying relationship after another.   The problem is that "where ever we go, there we are."

You may know that you or your friend is doing everything perfectly to create what she is currently experiencing, but you have no way to tell her. People are not wrong, stupid or bad., they are just repeating the only behavior they know. A lot of what most people (who experience relationship problems) are doing, is (for the most part) out of their awareness. The same thoughts, feelings and behaviors they have carried with them from childhood are still working on them, along with the wounds from the recent past.  People change when they've had enough pain and realize that 1) they want to change, that 2) those changes are within their control, that 3) only they can make those changes, 4) and that the time for change is now.

Healing from romantic relationship problems often involves taking a look at personal, family, work and social relationships. Group therapy can help people become aware of what their behaviors are and the effect those behaviors have on others. Members can decide what changes they want to make. In Group, time is spent searching for who one "really" is – not who one "wishes to be". Communication skills are learned and practiced. Self-awareness is encouraged; healing and hope come naturally, and most people find it challenging and often fun.

Helping women become fully aware of themselves and what they really need and want in romantic relationships can go a long way in preventing future divorce and the heartbreak it brings. Making a relationship commitment that is informed and complete helps build strong families, neighborhoods and communities.

So when you see your friend who is in the grips of another relationship failure, you may gently want to explain to her that romantic relationship problems are very common and that there is help available which can lead the way to a much brighter future.

Vikki Hoobyar, M.S. is a “happily married”, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Sequoia Counseling Services in Redwood City.  She holds a weekly therapy groups for adult women and can be reached at (650) 363-0249 ext. 115.