Is it too late for your relationship?
Lets face it, contemporary marriage is a mine field. Fewer than half of those who enter this field cross it unscathed. As a therapist I have seen couples suffering with: addictions, affairs, anger, codependency, communication problems, control issues, depression, exhaustion, financial problems, loss of self, parenting problems, personality differences, separation, and stress.
Couples today are beset by problems earlier generations never dreamt of. How do couples stay together in this age of dual careers and changing sex role expectations, stress from exhaustion and overwork, anger and resentment, codependency and addiction, communication problems and personality differences, combined with the baggage of the past relationships and experiences? With all the problems that can beset any couple, relationships that survive seem nothing short of miraculous Then when you add parenting and/or step-parenting to the mix with the guarantee of disagreements in parenting styles and conflicts with teenagers it is even harder to imagine that any couples thrive and yet some do.
Today, divorce rates are higher than ever in U. S. History with more than 50% of first marriages ending in divorce. Exhausted and angry adults give up and leave their marriages and their children Yet, hope springs eternal… so people continue in their re-coupling efforts not realizing that they are very-highly likely to repeat their past relationship experiences. And it is commonly known that the statistics on the success rates of second and third marriages are even worse than first marriages.
Although, the majority of relationship problems are solvable once they are adequately sorted out and understood, many couples do not seek out therapeutic assistance until it is too late. Frequently, by the time some couples come to counseling they feel completely hopeless. Often, one of them has already withdrawn (emotionally) and given up on the relationship. Therapy is often seen as a “last ditch” effort although in actuality counseling is much more effective when it is used as a “first line of defense.”
In my own marital history I have been widowed once, divorced once and am now happily re-married. I have seen all of the above mentioned issues have effect on my relationships, some with devastating results. My marriage of 10 years has been wonderfully happy and although we have had our disagreements and stuck points, one agreement we are united in is our desire to immediately seek out counseling for any problem we can not resolve between ourselves. Misunderstandings instead of becoming “deal breakers” have become sources of deeper understanding and appreciation of each other.
Troubled couples, please come to therapy before it is too late! You must meet today’s more sophisticated pressures with more sophisticated resources. Counseling is more relevant and useful than ever before. In the absence of yesterdays village elder, todays wise couples in crisis turn to their family therapist.
Victoria Hoobyar, M.S. is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist at Sequoia Counseling Services. She has had extensive training in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), Brief Therapy and is the developer of the Integrative Couples Therapy© Model. Voice Mail (650) 363-0249 ext. 115.
